"My give-a-f*ck’s still asleep"

"My love language is: f*ck off."

"My mug’s cleaner than your personality."

"My safe word is ‘leave’."

"Nan didn’t trip."

"No one asked."

"Nope. Still not approachable."

"Not now, Satan."

"Not today, Karen."

"Out of f*cks. Send coffee."

"Panic and pretend."

"Pressed. Like the coffee."

"Running late is my cardio."

"She’s not missing. Yet."

"Shh. No one likes you."

"Sht mug. Sht attitude.”

"Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver."

"Silently judging your decaf."

"Sip happens."

"Still not over it. Still don’t care."

"Still texting your ex? Grow up."

"Stop breathing so loud."

"Swearing solves f*ck all but I’m doing it anyway."