"Tastes like custody."

"Therapist blocked me."

"Therapist said no. I said mug."

"Thick skin. Thin patience."

"This mug might contain gin."

"This mug’s seen more than your priest."

"Today’s forecast: petty with a chance of rage."

"Told him I was on the pill. Lol."

"Too early for this sh*t."

"Too sober for this."

"Unfollow me in real life."

"Unqualified but confident."

"What A Mug!"

"World's Okayest Wanker"

"Would swap child for vape."

"Yes, I'm okay. Just kidding, rot in hell."

"You look tired."

"You vs. my last nerve."

"You wish."

"Your dad calls me mummy."

"Your face is exhausting."

"Your face, my ick."

"Your mum loves me."